The Patronising Saint

All over the world stories are told, tales are passed along. And none of them are true. Or at least, not a single story in this world is 100% true. Because truth, even at it's purest, is still a subjective thing... All over the world stories are told. This is but one of them...

A young boy from the part of the world we now call Wales is snatched by pirates and taken away for slave labour. On mainland Europe he is bought and sold until he ends up in the care of a Roman priest. Such is the kindness of this priest that the young boy himself adopts the religious life and also goes on to priesthood. This young boy, now a man, is given the Roman name Patricus Succatus.

Patricus never forgets his homeland and vows to return, spreading the good word throughout his land. He spends time in Cornwall, as well as Wales, before eventually being drawn to the heathen land across the water, the land where druids continue in their pagan practices, spiritual traditions and teachings based on peace and harmony with nature - the land we would know today as Ireland.

Ireland at this time is ruled by 4 kings (or Righ) who each control a quarter of the island and who are in turn ruled over by the High-King (Ard-Righ). But this monarchy was based on no simple line of succession, son inheriting the Kingdom regardless of suitability. Instead some ancient form of democratic process is in place - a limited democracy, yes, but not as arbitrary as other countries at the time. This process involves a new Ard-Righ being elected by the Righ and other nobles to ensure that Ireland always has a strong and benevolent ruler.

Patricus was a clever man. He was not unkind but he knew what he had to do 'in the name of God' and he used his cunning to bear influence on the Ard-Righ. At the same time the Ard-Righ was wise enough to realise that Patricus was no more than the first trickle of the Holy Roman Empire and denying him would only delay an inevitable tidal wave - one based on bloodshed. To avoid a war and possible conquest Patricus was welcomed and encouraged, although the Ard-Righ and the chief Druids sought ways of keeping their historic faiths intact. This they did by incorporating pagan rituals and symbols into the new Christian ones. The most obvious examples are that of the Celtic Crosses, the crucifix interwoven with a circle (an important symbol of life) and the image itself hewn out of stone instead of wood, resembling the monolithic standing stones that had been the focal points of religious ceremonies since long before any could remember.

Over time Patricus built his relations with the Ard-Righ whilst simultaneously building his congregations and implementing the Vatican's Holy law. As the years turned to decades and then to centuries the Druidical ways slowly died out, their devotees eventually becoming persecuted. Patricus was, in time, elevated to Sainthood and his name is now synonymous with the Ireland that he brought out of the 'dark' ages of communing with mother nature and into the enlightenment of Christendom. And we all know how good Christianity has been for the Emerald Isle...

Of course it would be far too naive and simplistic to lay the blame for modern religious strife at the door of one person from several hundred years in the past, especially as other political and racial forces have worked so hard to incite and maintain sectarianism within that beautiful country. But I always find it odd that on the 17th of March each year everyone likes to get pissed up to celebrate a Welshman who was, in some respects, Irelands first Jehovah's Witness...

Oh, and I hate the fact that it's hard to get a nicely poured pint of Guinness because of all the twats who are having their annual day off from lager... Anyway, if you're celebrating, or even just utilising the excuse for a piss-up, I hope yours is a good one!

Slàinte m'dears!