Happy Hogmanay!

Here's wishing us all a 2008 full of good shit!

Happy New Years, m'dears!

Bah Humbug!

You all know I'm a miserable cunt when it comes to Christ-almighty-when-the-fuck-will-this-nightmare-end-mas, and I'm not about to change for any of you wankers. So fuck off, the lot of you!

Cheers m'red-nosed-reindeers!

I hateses it, I do...

I hate people who get lazy and rehash old posts on their blogs to make it look like they have actually created some output. But, then again, I fucking hate Hallowe'en more... so here is what I said about it last year in my post entitled "Shallowe'en"...

"Call me a miserable old cunt, but I really hate Hallowe'en. Seeing all the twats dressed up wandering around pubs in devil horns and black capes thinking they look so cool and 'fun-loving'... bollocks, you look like wankers. Especially those men who use it as an excuse to dress as a schoolgirl. Look, I have no problem with cross-dressing or anything, but just admit who the fuck you are for the rest of the year too. Don't use this one solitary night as an excuse to let your repressed urges out. It's just sad.

And all that "trick or treat" bullshit... what does it actually teach our kids? That it's okay to go around essentially threatening old folks. "Give us some sweets or we'll do something bad to you" - that's what it translates as. And to do it all whilst hidden behind masks? It's Dick Turpin and his ilk all over again - "Stand and deliver, your money or your life"! Fucking bastards..."

(as posted at http://averagetosser.blogspot.com/2006/10/shalloween.html )

Over on her blog FatMammyCat expresses a love for the "Holiday" (although as All Hallows Day is actually today, November the 1st, perhaps it is then that is the "Holy-day"?). She says that it is nice because it is a short one... Bollocks. That's only because she doesn't live in Sinless City where it's been going all fucking week. Still at least we don't have to put up with a teddy-bear wearing a Jason Vorhees mask as a "Guy" on November 5th (Guy Fawkes night, to all you non-Brits). There's nothing like a good celebration of burning Catholics, is there...

Cheers m'dears!

T' be sure...

Right, I have finally recovered enough from St. Patrick's day (for 'day', read 'week') to provide you with another dose of drivel... so where better to start than March 17th itself!

I was invited down to the bar in the American Club here in Sinless City, the only venue where an actual Irish band with at least one Irish member was playing - yep, despite there being 11 Irish pubs in this city, every single one opted for bands playing contemporary covers... go figure. Maybe the American Club wanted something more 'Oirish' since they all believe they have a bit of the green in them, owing to the fact that their great-great-grandmother's third cousin's room-mate once owned a wolfhound that was Irish. Whilst enjoying my pint (not stout, as it's shit here, and none of that bloody lager with green fucking dye in it either) I noticed the special cocktails that were being advertised for the occasion and was, to be frank, slightly taken aback. Number two on the list was a delicious looking shooter called... a Belfast Bomber.

I'm not overly sensitive or anything, but come on - that is a little tasteless, methinks. And the Irish singer didn't seem especially amused either...

Cheers m'dears!

Valentines Day and the Card Companies...

... can fuck right off 'n' all. Cunts.

Suck on my Bah-Humbug!

Well, hells bells... Only one post this month? Fuck me, I am getting bad at this.

Sorry this is late but... no wait, I'm not sorry at all. I've been in hospital and not one of you cunts brought me any grapes or magazines with crappy personality quizzes in them. And don't use that old "we didn't know you were in hospital" crap on me because it just won't wash. If you'd cared enough you would have made the effort and found out. And before any of you wags get started I was not in for a liver transplant. Har-de-fucking-har! Anyway, as I don't especially dig Christmas (especially the overblown crap that goes on here) and my family is halfway around the world anyway hospital wasn't a bad place to be for the last few days. Lots of attractive nurses for one thing... and if Christmas does have one perk it's the mistletoe! Wha-hey!

But I digress... what I meant to say was Merry fucking Bah-Humbug to one and all. And I'll see you all (in the online not-really-seeing-you-but-you-know-what-I-bloody-well-mean sense) the other side of Hogmanay!

Cheers m'(rein)dears!

Shallowe'en

Call me a miserable old cunt, but I really hate Hallowe'en. Seeing all the twats dressed up wandering around pubs in devil horns and black capes thinking they look so cool and 'fun-loving'... bollocks, you look like wankers. Especially those men who use it as an excuse to dress as a schoolgirl. Look, I have no problem with cross-dressing or anything, but just admit who the fuck you are for the rest of the year too. Don't use this one solitary night as an excuse to let your repressed urges out. It's just sad.

And all that "trick or treat" bullshit... what does it actually teach our kids? That it's okay to go around essentially threatening old folks. "Give us some sweets or we'll do something bad to you" - that's what it translates as. And to do it all whilst hidden behind masks? It's Dick Turpin and his ilk all over again - "Stand and deliver, your money or your life"! Fucking bastards...

Cheers m'dears!

The Patronising Saint

All over the world stories are told, tales are passed along. And none of them are true. Or at least, not a single story in this world is 100% true. Because truth, even at it's purest, is still a subjective thing... All over the world stories are told. This is but one of them...

A young boy from the part of the world we now call Wales is snatched by pirates and taken away for slave labour. On mainland Europe he is bought and sold until he ends up in the care of a Roman priest. Such is the kindness of this priest that the young boy himself adopts the religious life and also goes on to priesthood. This young boy, now a man, is given the Roman name Patricus Succatus.

Patricus never forgets his homeland and vows to return, spreading the good word throughout his land. He spends time in Cornwall, as well as Wales, before eventually being drawn to the heathen land across the water, the land where druids continue in their pagan practices, spiritual traditions and teachings based on peace and harmony with nature - the land we would know today as Ireland.

Ireland at this time is ruled by 4 kings (or Righ) who each control a quarter of the island and who are in turn ruled over by the High-King (Ard-Righ). But this monarchy was based on no simple line of succession, son inheriting the Kingdom regardless of suitability. Instead some ancient form of democratic process is in place - a limited democracy, yes, but not as arbitrary as other countries at the time. This process involves a new Ard-Righ being elected by the Righ and other nobles to ensure that Ireland always has a strong and benevolent ruler.

Patricus was a clever man. He was not unkind but he knew what he had to do 'in the name of God' and he used his cunning to bear influence on the Ard-Righ. At the same time the Ard-Righ was wise enough to realise that Patricus was no more than the first trickle of the Holy Roman Empire and denying him would only delay an inevitable tidal wave - one based on bloodshed. To avoid a war and possible conquest Patricus was welcomed and encouraged, although the Ard-Righ and the chief Druids sought ways of keeping their historic faiths intact. This they did by incorporating pagan rituals and symbols into the new Christian ones. The most obvious examples are that of the Celtic Crosses, the crucifix interwoven with a circle (an important symbol of life) and the image itself hewn out of stone instead of wood, resembling the monolithic standing stones that had been the focal points of religious ceremonies since long before any could remember.

Over time Patricus built his relations with the Ard-Righ whilst simultaneously building his congregations and implementing the Vatican's Holy law. As the years turned to decades and then to centuries the Druidical ways slowly died out, their devotees eventually becoming persecuted. Patricus was, in time, elevated to Sainthood and his name is now synonymous with the Ireland that he brought out of the 'dark' ages of communing with mother nature and into the enlightenment of Christendom. And we all know how good Christianity has been for the Emerald Isle...

Of course it would be far too naive and simplistic to lay the blame for modern religious strife at the door of one person from several hundred years in the past, especially as other political and racial forces have worked so hard to incite and maintain sectarianism within that beautiful country. But I always find it odd that on the 17th of March each year everyone likes to get pissed up to celebrate a Welshman who was, in some respects, Irelands first Jehovah's Witness...

Oh, and I hate the fact that it's hard to get a nicely poured pint of Guinness because of all the twats who are having their annual day off from lager... Anyway, if you're celebrating, or even just utilising the excuse for a piss-up, I hope yours is a good one!

Slàinte m'dears!

Have a Heart.....

Happy Valentines Day, one and all! Yes, the day of love, named in honour of a bloke who had his head cut off for performing marriage ceremonies...

The 227th anniversary of a white colonialist being killed by 'natives' who didn't want him there (Capt. Cooke in Hawaii)...

The 113th anniversary of the US annexing an independent country (Hawaii again)...

The 77th anniversary of bloodshed as gangs fought to control a city (the famous massacre)...

The 48th anniversary of Iraq joining an Arab federation...

The 34th anniversary of the US relaxing trade restrictions against China...

The 28th anniversary of the US government announcing plans to sell billions of dollars worth of arms to Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Israel in an effort to "maintain military balance in the Middle East"...

The 27th anniversary of the US ambassador to Afghanistan being kidnapped (he was later killed)...

The 18th anniversary of a booby-trap killing prominent members of the PLO...

The 17th anniversary of an Islamic fatwa issued against an 'artiste' who had offended the religion (Salman Rusdie)...

The 15th anniversary of a multi-national ban on food imports to stop an epidemic (cholera in South America)...

The 12th anniversary of 27 Islamic fundamentalists being sent to prison (one of Algeria's biggest anti-terrorism trials)...

The 11th anniversary of new fighting in a war that was supposedly over (between Ecuador and Peru - only 90 minutes after a cease-fire)...

The 7th anniversary of the Israelis and Palestinians facing off after another disagreement...

How things have changed over the years............

And what a day of 'love' it is!

Cheers m'dears!