Cin-enema

Question: When a cultural form is imported (on both sides willingly) into another culture should the 'adopting' culture adapt itself to the etiquette of said form or should the form and its producers / promoters expect and accept behaviour which they might ordinarily find offensive or distracting?

Anyone who has read back far enough on this blog knows my feelings regarding cinema-heathens. Well, a heated discussion with Indian friends the other night led me to realise that there are cultural issues at play here... They understood the etiquette of not talking on the'phone and turning off the ringtone but the fact that I could get annoyed at people texting in a cinema caused them much mirth.

The way I look at it is simple - cinema is a visual medium. If someone flashed torches or turned on the lights it would be very distracting and piss most people off. When someone uses their 'phone to sms, or even just to look at the time, the light caused by their tiny screen is actually very noticeable in a darkened cinema. To me it would be like trying to listen to a string quartet with some arseholes watch alarm going of intermittently.

But then I forget that - aside from certain screenings of films like Rocky Horror or The Sound of Music - western audiences are very much brought up to silently immerse themselves in films whereas many other cultures, especially in the Bollywood sphere of influence, see films as a release, an arena to "let go" of themselves in. Whereas the social interaction of a film in the west tends to be in dissecting the film in the pub after the credits, in the east the social interaction seems to actually be the film itself.

And so I am brought back to my original question... as someone who can happily watch - nay, embrace - a piece of performance art (be it celluloid or whatever) in the environment and atmosphere it belongs, do I then have a right to expect to be able to watch films from my own cultural background in the manner that I would be able to were I back home? Likewise, should those enjoying their own eastern cultures in the west be made to conform to viewing them in a manner which follows western etiquette?


There is something akin to this in sport... very recently Sinless City hosted a Pro Golf tournament and today the papers were full of the western players who had complained that spectators were using flash-photography as they were taking their swings and that children too young to exercise noise discipline at crucial times had been allowed in. Was that a case of the stuffy colonial sportsmen being *ahem* bad sports? Or should the local populus, in their eagerness to embrace the international competition, have exercised more care in learning the etiquette of being a golf spectator? One local who attended commented that the players shouldn't have come if they didn't want to be photographed, but I think he misses the point here (there were countless photo opportunities that did not have the potential to upset the outcome of the game) and the attitude does smack of cutting off ones own nose to spite the face - what incentive is there for these sportsmen to come back and provide further entertainment or photo opportunities if that's how you feel?

But is this a cultural thing or is it just a selfishness? "I want it, so I will take it, etiquette be damned". That is an aspect of life in Sinless City I see every day, on public transport, in queues at foodstalls, on the street hailing cabs, on the escalators... there are a lot of people here who seem to exist in the 'bubble-of-one' (please note that I am not accusing my Indian friends of this - far from it!). The truth is that in this country there is an underlying sense of individual self-importance and self-righteousness and one way in which this could be seen to manifest itself is in the way people act in the cinema.

The worst examples of this behaviour, the most selfish that I have seen on a mass scale, were at the Night Safari. This is a one-of-a-kind zoo experience where you get to see nocturnal and semi-nocturnal animals in the near-wild, pretty much under natural moon-light with very little artificial lighting used. Everywhere you go there are signs pleading with people not to use flash photography as it can blind (or in extreme cases even kill) the animals concerned. Yet on my three visits to the Night Safari I saw flash after flash as the modern 'big-game hunters' regarded their trophy-photographs of higher value than animal welfare.

Okay, it seems like I am stretching my point a little - cinema irritation to maiming animals in two easy steps - and the Night Safari experience cannot really be equated with my original question. But, despite cultural differences undoubtedly playing a part in so many upsets and misunderstandings in this diverse country, I firmly believe that the root of all these problems is a lack of respect. Let me watch these films how I am meant to watch them. And I will happily watch films from other cultures the way that they are supposed to be watched as well. Let the sportsmen get on with what they are supposed to do without getting unnecessarily parochial about it (I am just imagining a Formula 1 car at next years Sinless City Grand Prix being confronted by a local cyclist going against the traffic flow...). And for fucks sake - let those animals keep their corneas.

Cheers m'dears!

Criminal Pettiness

Sinless City is a small place, in the grand scheme of things, despite it's inflated sense of self-importance. But it is a world leader (or certainly highly ranked) in many fields so it's ego is just about acceptable. One thing that seriously lets the place down, however, is the national press - not so much the articles and editorial (as biased as they usually are) but the Letters to the Editor.

Now, in Scotland there is a rag called The Daily Record, a paper I often used to buy when I lived in England simply because it was the only one with decent coverage of Scots football. In the letters to the editor in that publication you would often find quite pathetic gripes and parochial matters more suited to a weekly local paper than a national daily. But nothing, not one thing, compares to the crap that people feel compelled to write about to the Daily Propaganda, Sinless City's national broadsheet.

Okay, to be fair we have recently had a very worthy debate raging about the repeal of a law criminalising homosexuality. THAT is something deserving of national media! But last week, amidst all the passionate arguments, one letter caught my eye...

I did tear it out with the intention of reprinting it on this blog but, unfortunately, it has disappeared... so instead I will have to give you the gist of the content, which somewhat lessens the absurdity factor but should at least make the point.

This woman was complaining about bad behaviour in restaurants. Was it smoking that bothered her? The attitude of staff? Hygiene issues? No... the thing that disgusted her so much that she absolutely had to vent her anger to the whole nation was the way that people squeezed their napkin and hot towel packets to open them, creating a "pop" sound in the process.

Two words for you. Path. Etic. I know that, technically, that should only be one word but I feel that this case is deserving of the space in between the syllables.

My god, there are some cunts out there...

Cheers m'dears!

Cab fair?

I always assumed that trying to get a taxi when it rains was so damned difficult simply because the weather would cause demand to go up. Simple logic, really... all those folk usually happy to walk, even if only a couple of hundred meters to a bus stop, all of a sudden needing a way to make their journey without emerging from it like a drowned rat. Yet whilst this logic is, indeed, accurate it appears that in Sinless City other factors weigh in.

Obviously we are talking slightly different circumstances here compared with wet 'n' wild Britain. A tropical climate makes for some wonderful sun but when it rains we are not talking the usual grey, nasty, depressing, shitty weather that I grew up with. No, even a light rainstorm here is cause for you to scramble and abandon the streets. And when it gets bad... I have sat waiting for a bus one day and seen the change... nay, felt it! The way the trees start moving more and more aggressively and the sky turns as close to black as I have ever seen in the daytime. Get to cover, and quickly, because once that first drop hits the ground you cannot walk unprotected more than 5 meters before you are soaked to the bone. As for umbrellas, this kind of rain hits the ground so damn hard you get water-shrapnel from the ricochet. Just forget it - if you ain't under a roof you're fucked.

But I digress... In Sinless City it is not simply an increase in demand that results from wet weather but also a decrease in supply. You see, in wet weather the risk of having an accident goes up... if the taxi drivers do have an accident their companies automatically presume they are guilty... to curtail such accidents the companies impose fines of $2000 (about 670 pounds sterling) per incident, regardless of severity. As a result many drivers clock off during stormy periods and those wanting to get from A to B without looking like they fell in the C are left stranded...

I cannot blame the drivers, to be honest... a fine that size is an entire months income for some. And in a society where workers have no real recourse in the face of unreasonable employers, what else are they going to do?

Cheers m'dears!

Lost in Translation #03

Acronym-onious

In Sinless City they just love acronyms. You leave your HDB, drive down the PIE (or take the MRT), get cash from the ATM at the DBS or the POSB, use your HP to send an SMS and tell your friends to meet you in the CBD for a G'n'T before heading off to MOS to pick up an SPG*. It's ridiculously baffling, but I think I'm getting to grips with it. At least, I did until today...

Having spoken to my HOD, who wanted to report to the VP about my progress on the MT side of the IP here at [acronym removed so I don't get fired] I went for a coffee at the SAC and ended up chatting with some RBC's**. Mid-tedium one of my colleagues suddenly jumped up and announced that she had to rush because the P was expecting her. "That's a rather unusual way of excusing yourself to go to the bathroom" I said, gathering the finest set of blank stares ever assembled as a result. It took amoment to register but it eventually dawned that she was referring to the Principal... I mean, if the Vice Principal is the VP it stands to reason, right?

But really... how fucking lazy do you want to get?

Incidentally, you may have noticed the location of my morning coffee, the Student Activity Centre (fancy name for the school canteen). They are having a major drive at the moment to get the kids to clear up after themselves, something I fully support but doubt will catch on as adults in this country are just as bad in food courts. What caught my attention, however, was the way in which they decided to get this across to the students... a nice big sign bearing the legend "KEEP YOUR SAC CLEAN".

...and no-one had a clue why I was stifling that snigger!

Cheers m'dears!

*That's: "Housing Development Board" (state built flats); "Pan-Island Expressway"; "Mass Rapid Transportation"; "Automated Teller Machine"; DBS I'm not sure of... but it's a bank!; "Post Office Services Bank"; "Hand Phone"; again, not sure of the actual words but it's a text message...; "Central Business District"; "Gin 'n' Tonic"; "Ministry of Sound"; "Sarong Party Girl" (essentially a loose young woman)

**This lot are: "Head of Department"; "Vice Principal"; "Music Technology"; "Integrated Programme"; "Student Activity Centre"; "Ridiculously Boring Colleagues"

Lost in Translation #02

No Common Censor

Censorship in Sinless City takes a bit of getting used to. This is a country where cigarette packets bear pictorial health warnings with such graphic images as rotted feet and a dead foetus yet the London Financial Times has to place a little black square over the naughty bits on a photograph... of a statue. This is also a country where mindless violence is the order of the day on TV but they get scissor happy when BBC sitcom 'My Family' shows a husband cuddling his wife on a bed. Of course, I would opine that 'My Family' would benefit from several other cuts, but that's by the by.

Language, though - that's a whole other thing. Despite my initial shock at the word 'shit' being bandied around all over the place in a stage play for primary school kids I soon accepted that this word was not considered offensive here. It is, instead, purely descriptive, and the play was talking about bird faeces. On the other hand I will never, ever understand why the TV company decided it needs to bleep the word penis, a legitimate name of a body part... or (and I shit you not here) why they bleeped the first half of the accessory item "bum-bag" (that's a 'fanny-pack' in the States).

But these all register only mild surprise next to what I witnessed last night. Watching 'The Sopranos' on local TV is a very musical experience, with every other word bleeped. But you get used to it... it goes something like -

"Paulie, don't be a ****ing mother****er and pass me the ****ing gun before I **** **** you with my **** and pull your **** off. You ****!"

So you can imagine my disbelief when Tony uttered the phrase "She's a cunt"... completely uncensored.

Now, leaving aside the mirth that State-siders using that word always induces in me (I'm sorry, but there is something about US accents that just causes that word to lose some punch!), I was completely floored! Did I hear that correctly? Gosh-darn it, I think I did!

After an evening spent wondering how THAT word could have slipped past the censors and creating conspiracy theories in my head about some rebellious TV censor starting a cultural revolution I came in to work today and mentioned it to a colleague. "Oh, yeah" she said, with an air of disinterest. "That never gets censored. Pretty much no-one understands what that word means".

Cue me calling everyone a cunt all day...

Cheers m'cunts!

Are ad-men simply basket-cases?

The current advert for televised basketball in Sinless City has the suitably gravelly voice-over solemnly declaring that "Success awaits those who get up one more time than they fall". Sounds good... sounds inspiring... sounds butch... sounds - wait a minute! That's fucking impossible!!

Go on, try it. Fall down a few times, counting them, and also count how many times that you get back up again. I guarrantee it will be the same number. Unless you remain prone on your last fall, which will be the opposite of what the advertisement is trying to say. It is physically impossible to get up twice when you only fell once... and so on.

Stupid cunts.

Cheers m'dears!

T' be sure...

Right, I have finally recovered enough from St. Patrick's day (for 'day', read 'week') to provide you with another dose of drivel... so where better to start than March 17th itself!

I was invited down to the bar in the American Club here in Sinless City, the only venue where an actual Irish band with at least one Irish member was playing - yep, despite there being 11 Irish pubs in this city, every single one opted for bands playing contemporary covers... go figure. Maybe the American Club wanted something more 'Oirish' since they all believe they have a bit of the green in them, owing to the fact that their great-great-grandmother's third cousin's room-mate once owned a wolfhound that was Irish. Whilst enjoying my pint (not stout, as it's shit here, and none of that bloody lager with green fucking dye in it either) I noticed the special cocktails that were being advertised for the occasion and was, to be frank, slightly taken aback. Number two on the list was a delicious looking shooter called... a Belfast Bomber.

I'm not overly sensitive or anything, but come on - that is a little tasteless, methinks. And the Irish singer didn't seem especially amused either...

Cheers m'dears!

Remembering the Race Riots

Today is Racial Harmony day in Singapore. This was established to commemorate the first day of an intense period of racial rioting, 42 years ago, and aims to foster inter-racial links to ensure that violence of that nature does not flare up again.

Some background - After the British pulled out of Singapore its Prime Minister, Lee Kuan Yew, believed the island state would be unable to stand alone with its limited resources and sought to be integrated into its neighbouring country, Malaya. The Malays were concerned, as the large Chinese population in Singapore meant that the ethnic demographics of Malaya would be significantly altered. However, various political reasons persuaded the government in Kuala Lumpar that it was safer to absorb Singapore than allow it to controlled by any rival state.

The inclusion of Singapore in 1963 added the "SI" to Malaya to give us the current name, Malaysia, and PM Lee essentially found his role diminished to that of a regional governor. Unfortunately Lee's dreams of a harmonious union never really worked and tensions between the Chinese (a majority in Singapore but a minority now in Malaysia) and the Malays eventually erupted into rioting a year later.

The following is an extract from an article published yesterday and written by Charles Tan, a Singaporean who lived through the rioting (I am unsure of the original source as I have received this fourth hand through e-mail). The title of the piece is A Race To Survive:-

...I nearly became an innocent casualty in an infamous and shameful chapter of Singapore's history — the Prophet Muhammad Birthday riots, which broke out with clashes between a Malay procession and Chinese spectators and passers-by near Geylang Serai.
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Returning home from work that evening on July 21, 1964, I had to cross Geylang Road from the car park where I had alighted from the bus. As I crossed, I noticed a group of youths overturning cars, dousing them with kerosene and setting them alight. There were groups of Chinese and Malays fighting with parangs [a type of Malayan machete] and choppers. Debris was strewn around and I saw mutilated bodies lying on the road.
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I was frightened and the more scared I became, the more difficult I found it was to try to run across the road to look for refuge in someone's house. I could see flashes of parangs coming towards me. My heart beat furiously. As I got to the other side, a group of parang-wielding youths began to chase me, shouting: "Orang cina, orang cina" (Malay for Chinese person). My survival instincts took over. I ran more than fifty yards in less than 10 seconds flat, and charged into a house along Lorong 3 hoping for refuge.
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Perhaps fearing reprisals from the house's occupants, the attackers retreated. But far from being sympathetic to my plight, the occupants were furious at me for bringing the "rioting" to their doorstep. As soon as my attackers were gone from sight, I was cursed and chased away.
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As historical sources would have it, four people were killed that first day of rioting and 178 injured. For the next 11 days, a curfew was imposed and Geylang, which had a heavy concentration of Malay inhabitants, was where it was most strictly enforced. Geylang Road was covered with Black Marias (police vans) and there were road-blocks at regular intervals, manned by Gurkhas — those fearsome Nepalese mercenaries — armed with sub-machine guns and knives. It is no exaggeration to compare Geylang Road to a scene straight out of Black Hawk Down — burning cars, charred bodies and heavily-armed soldiers patrolling the street strewn with concertina wires.
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When the curfew was finally lifted on Aug 2 and I returned to work, 23 people had lost their lives, 450 had been hurt, and 2,500 arrested. Afterwards, "goodwill committees" of community leaders were set up to help restore harmony between the Malays and the Chinese, by addressing their concerns. Dare I say that we have since learned from the destructive nature of racial disharmony, and that Singaporeans today can say we are among the world's most tolerant and harmonious people?

A year later Singapore was 'kicked out' of Malaysia - more trouble than it was worth, it seems...

Tan's article is an interesting insight for me, as someone who barely knew that a place called Singapore even existed a few years back - and as someone who sometimes struggles to differentiate between lighter skinned Malays and darker skinned Chinese anyway! But I am perturbed slightly by the final statement - Dare you say it, indeed, Mr Tan?

Has any culture truly learned from destructive racial disharmony? I was working in Bradford a few years back during the riots - thankfully I was not living there so I only saw the 'before' and 'after'. Over the last 12 months we have also had racial rioting in France and Australia. And as anyone who trawls the blog-universe will know there is a lot of racial bigotry out there.

Singapore tries to avoid this by having rigid policies in place to enforce racial harmony, including setting quotas in government housing blocks to ensure that no one area becomes solidly Chinese, Malay or Indian. Yet is this not the wrong way to approach the situation? Rather than enforcing a physical closeness should we not be trying to break down the barriers that exist on a more intellectual, emotional and spiritual level?

Charles Tan, you are correct that people live in some kind of harmony in Singapore - but attitudes have still not completely changed. There are some companies who advertise vacancies as "must be fluent in Mandarin" when there is no real need, knowing this will result in a Chinese employee. And it is not just the older generation that harbours grudges, as evidenced by the youths that were recently taken to court for their racist blogging. Inter-racial relationships are also still heavily frowned upon, even to the extent that walking down the street with someone of the opposite sex who is not of your ethnic background - be they partner, friend or simply work colleague - can elicit glares.

Remember July 21st in Singapore. Remember all the racial violence that happens the world over. But never make the mistake of thinking that the attitudes that caused the violence have been consigned to history's dustbin - that would be a fatal error.

Cheers m'dears!

Far-Eastenders!

"You begin reclassifying your life into "that will make a good blog entry" or "that won't make a good blog entry". Suddenly your life isn't your own anymore."

Writer Douglas Coupland, explaining why he doesn't blog.

Reading FMC's current post 'Bitch Fight!' suddenly jolted my memory back to an event sometime last week that took me so by surprise that I instantly said "That's going in my blog". Sorry Mr Coupland, I don't have your willpower. Now, this instance is not as big or as bad as FMC's but judging purely by the nature of my previous experiences in Sinless City it caught me a little off-guard...

Whilst walking along the riverside bars with a friend, checking out which dodgy overpriced nightspot we were going to weasel our way into, we decided to join a queue behind two attractive young women of Chinese origin. No, they were not our motivation - it's hardly an unusual sight here - it was the lure of cheap(er) drinks. We didn't hang around long, though, as 30 seconds later (and with no hint of a warning) the one girl turned around to the other and screamed at the top of her lungs (in a suspiciously cock-er-nee Eastenders fashion) "LET'S 'AVE IT!!". Girl two scarpered pretty sharpish, and we weren't far behind to be honest...

Now, okay - nothing out of the ordinary for many of you I suspect... but unlike my previous home in Yokelbury, UK, the atmosphere over here is generally not like that. And despite western TV and films constant portrayl of Oriental women as the screaming dominatrix type none of the Chinese women I have met have been anywhere near that aggressive. Angry, sure. Loud... almost always. But psycho-like? In retrospect (and sobriety) the occurrence was not actually half as amusing as I thought at the time, but the image of that pretty 5'2" Chinese girl, feet firmly planted, holding her hands out (palms up and gesturing in the 'bring it on' motion), mouth wide open as she bellowed a la football hooligan... that's going to stay with me for some time, believe me!

Cheers m'dears!

Incidentally - this is my actual, real, genuine 100th post. "Oh, huzzah" I hear you mutter. Don't worry about dropping by to congratulate me though, you've already missed the party... we had it a bit early!

Back to life, Back to surreality...

It's 1am and I'm currently standing in a dodgy nightclub surrounded by transexual whores, pissing around on the free computer to avoid catching the eye of one of the bar-stewards who like to force you into buying a hideously overpriced piss-water drink in order to justify your stay in the 'venue', whilst waiting for my friend to call and tell me where the fuck we are actually going to be meeting...

...just thought you'd quite like to know!

Cheers m'dears!

Putting the Sin in Singapore.

Have you ever been to Singapore? If you do make sure you take a taxi and ask the driver what the country is like. Chances are that he will sing the praises of the City and its people, and if you tell him you are going anywhere else (ie. Malaysia or Indonesia) his response will almost certainly be "Ohhh... don't talk to anyone there. It's not safe there! Not like Singapore. Singapore is safe. There's no crime in Singapore."

7 months ago in Singapore the body of a maid who had been killed by another was found dismembered and in several sports bags behind a train station. Earlier this year a guy was being tried for killing his wife with an axe. A few weeks back a very young girl went missing for a few days until it eventually transpired that her Step-Father had killed her. And this week we learn that a man who had taken several wives had also forced some of the teenage daughters they had borne him to have sex - often with the mothers assistance.

Details are sketchy, depending on the press you read (local papers cite 5 of the daughters were raped, this report mentions 6), but the solid fact remains that this man perverted the texts of his religion (Islam) to his own devices and utterly convinced his wives that what he was doing, and roping them into, was right in the eyes of God. Shit like this is utterly depressing and heart-breaking, and the scale of it and manner in which it the rapist collaborated with his victims own mothers is, frankly, mind-boggling.

But it's not the first time is it. Remember the Branch Davidians at Waco? David Koresh, their leader, utilised Christian texts to support his 'right' to sleep with the daughters of his parishoners. And many more down the ages have done the same - and many more will undoubtedly try. The thing is, how the fuck do we protect the weak and gullible from this kind of thing?

Just as a last note - in his defence the accused suggested that by having sex with his own daughters to "satisfy them" they would be less likely to look elsewhere for sex, which he viewed as the "lesser of two evils". Less likely to look elsewhere? I would not be surprised if the girls never look toward another man for any kind of relationship after the hell he put them through.

Cheers m'dears....

Semi-Elect...

Further to yesterday I am going to expand on one of the three South East Asian political situations, in this case that of the looming Singapore General Election and the recent giveaway budget, which Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong is adamant is not intended to bribe voters.

The budget, PM Lee says, is not "merely for the purpose of distributing hong baos to get votes" (hong baos are those little red envelopes stuffed with cash and given out at Lunar New Year and other events). Instead the public windfall is in the hope "that the Government wins not just the next election, but also the mandate to govern over successive terms". Like they have done since, ohh... 1965.

Yes, that's right. After the Brits pulled out there was a short and ill-tempered dalliance as a state of Malaya (which is where modern Malaysia gets the SI in its name from) before the rogue island was booted out and forced to find its own feet through, err, a democratic process.

To understand a little more about Singapore elections you may want to wade through this document. But I don't blame you if you steer clear... it is not the easiest to understand. To summarise, the bottom line, the one apparent aim of the election, is to make sure that the Peoples Action Party (PAP) get re-elected. Which, it seems, is never a problem. "Why?" I hear you cry...

Maybe it's the blatant bias of the mainstream press who do not question the government. But then the same could be said in the US for Fox News. Maybe its the bizarre ruling that means that the district boundaries are reset before each election - effectively gerrymandering like the Brits did in Ireland years ago. Maybe its the fact that in 2 of the last 3 elections Parliament was dissolved, the boundaries set and the election held all within 20 days, giving the relatively small and poorly funded opposition party no time whatsoever to prepare.

Or maybe its the fact that Singaporeans don't really give a flying fuck. In the classic "I'm alright, Jack" mode that saw Thatcher get re-elected year after year by folk only concerned about their own pockets and not the country at large Singaporeans tend to stick with more of the same. Okay, so the previously mentioned press influence helps here - never has the term 'sheeple' seemed more appropriate - but by and large the average Joe just isn't interested in politics.

Let's try to be fair - in a lot of ways the PAP are beneficial to their country, a nation that has had a huge economic turnaround in its 40 independent years and has pushed headlong into the 'first world'. But why the pretence of being democratic? The aforementioned article describes Singapore as 'soft authoritarianism'. People I know who have lived there awhile describe it as a 'benevolent dictatorship'. But however you put it you can't tell me that the people, as apathetic as they are, actually have a choice. So maybe PM Lee is telling the truth after all... I mean, let's face it - you don't need to use the budget to bribe people to vote for you in an election you can't lose anyway, do you!

Oh, and one final note... the guy who guided Singapore from British rule through the Malayan debacle and into a prosperous independent, ahem, 'democracy' was the first Prime Minister, Lee Kuan Yew... pictured at the top with his son, current PM Lee Hsien Loong. Nepotism, the game the whole family can enjoy...

Cheers m'dears!

Tempus fugit an' all that!

I wanted to post today about Prime Minister Thaksin in Thailand and how protests against alleged dodgy dealings have forced him to dissolve parliament and call an election. Which his opponents are boycotting, probably because they know that despite his unpopularity he is still likely to win again!

I also wanted to post about President Arroyo in the Phillipines who has had to deal with an attempted coup this week, albeit a minor and easily diffused one. You see, she declared a state of National Emergency, which most of her populace felt was extreme for what was, in effect, a relatively low-key affair with no real basis! And her response to students who were going to strike a couple of days later in protest at her actions? She closed all education establishments... you can't strike from what isn't even open, can you!

And then I wanted to post about the upcoming Singapore General Election, or rather on PM Lee Hsien Loong's recent pre-election budget which has basically amounted to the current (and apparently eternal) government giving everyone in Singapore a share of a $2.6 billion windfall. Hmmm...

I wanted to... but I can't because I'm too fucking busy. You can probably all guess what I was going to rant about each of them anyway. So instead let me leave you with this 'tasteful' article. It's a week old but I only just came across it...

Cheers m'dears!

Hypocrisy abounds!

Australia and South East Asia has been all a-buzz recently with the trial of Nguyen Tuong Van, the Aussie heroin smuggler, in Singapore. In recent editions of the Daily Propoganda and on countless news-based websites there have been letters from Australians, half of whom are stating that "all of Australia" condemns the fact that Singapore intends to follow the letter of it's laws and execute the guy, the other half likewise declaring that "all of Australia" stands behind Singapore's sovereign right to follow it's own rules without interference.

Now, aside from showing a problem with basic mathematics in Australia, this issue has raised some points of contention. But before I go into them I must be honest about my personal feelings.... I am against Capital Punishment and always have been. That, incidentally, does not make me wishy-washy or 'too-forgiving'. I believe that punishment should be appropriate to the crime, as hard as is necessary, but with it should come the opportunity for remorse and a chance to change. And I believe that no-one has the right to take a life, not even in the "eye for an eye" context (constantly quoted by the religious right, despite the fact that it's appearances in the Old Testament, Exodus 21:23-25 and Leviticus 24:19-20, are superceded by Matthew 5:38-39 - look it up if you don't believe me). But this is not what I am intending to bang on about in this post.......

One point noted in pro-execution letters is the hypocrisy of many anti-execution Australians. Do they cry out at the injustice of it all when it isn't their countryman facing the noose? Of course fucking not! Very few people do. And of course there's the fact that Singapore is it's own nation and shouldn't dilute it's laws at the whim of it's neighbour. Y'know what? I actually agree with that one. Of course by that I partly mean that I think Singapore should come to it's senses of it's own accord, but that's not the only reason. If bigger nations bully smaller nations into accepting their values then all they do is cause resentment and eventual backlash... the US and it's allies are already experiencing that.

Of course this type of hypocrisy is not only visible in attitudes toward Singapore but also in those emanating from there. Recently it was reported that Singapore is looking at introducing laws to prosecute it's citizens for commiting offences against Singaporean law in other countries where the laws may be different. The case in particular refers to an island barely an hour away where the legal age limit for sex is as low as 14. Men from Singapore apparently travel over for the express purpose of screwing girls barely into puberty. I don't like the idea of it myself, but that is considered a suitable age in that state. It might perhaps be one thing if this was being done to protect the girls in question but the reason behind it seems to be more that these actions do not hold up to Singaporean 'moral standards and laws'. Hmmm... much like Capital Punishment appears not to hold up to current Australian laws and standards.

I cannot say how old someone should be before they have sex - I'm not even sure that 16 (UK limit) is old enough. I certainly wasn't fucking mature enough to handle it properly until way after then. But the point is how can Singapore prosecute someone for not breaking a law somewhere just because the Singaporean government thinks it 'should' be a law? How long before other countries try it? If I go to Amsterdam and smoke pot will I get arrested in the UK? If an American citizen crosses the road at a place where crossing isn't designated in the UK, will he get arrested for jay-walking on his return to the US? Will an Englishman who has returned from France get locked up because whilst there he drove on the right instead of the left? How fucked up do we want to make this......?

In defending it's own sovereignty whilst simultaneously challenging that of its neighbour Singapore proves that hypocrisy and double standards are alive and well... but then regimes in virtually all countries seem to have an air of 'Do as I say, not as I do"....

Cheer m'dears!

The best things in life are free! But, alas, the Press is not.

After yesterday's posting I was in some random chatroom and got into a bit of a barney with some guy from the US. I tell you this not because me having an ether-scrap is unusual but because it kind of follows directly on from what I was saying in that last post.

I was having a reasonably pleasant game of poker online (in a non-money situation... I'm way too crap to actually bet!) and just talking bollocks with my fellow players when one did the usual boring "age / sex / location" thing, a sure sign of someone with nothing interesting to actually start a conversation with. Feeling in a generous mood I obliged, and although I told him that I was 73 days old and asexual I actually opted for truth on the third question. And his response? Well, aside from not batting an eyelid at the first two answers he responded to my location being Sinless City by saying "Oh, all the press there is Government controlled isn't it".

He was right of course, but my initial response was one of mild indignation. "The press here?", I replied. "Have you watched Fox News recently?". Cue lots of patriotic flag waving and general fucking hysteria from not just that one guy but half the bloody table. But during the course of the argument I found myself getting wound up less by the ignorami and more by the fact that I could not think of any news organisation which is truly trustworthy.

When I used to live on the Rainy Isle I rarely bothered with newspapers, except for doing the odd crossword or sudoku. I used to get one middle-class right-wing tabloid rag from time to time, just so I could vent my spleen at the suppresive shit written by the bigotted cunts, but if I wanted news I always took to Auntie Beeb.... okay, still not completely independent and influence free, but at least you got the feeling that they tried - or at least you did until Blair's spin machine castrated them after the David Kelly suicide.

The truth of the matter is that whatever you want to know about, whatever shit is going on out there, you have to find it out for yourself. Don't just swallow the pill that the propoganda machine feeds you... the media outlets are all, without exception, owned by companies and individuals with a vested interest in not telling you the exact truth. And the bitter side of that is it includes publications and programming that you or I may personally agree with most of the time. It is too easy for us to buy the newspaper that suits our own politics and nod in agreement with what it has to say, but it is of far more value to complement that with something that spouts a rival opinion. At least it can make you think, force you to defend what you believe in.

And of course we can now find out what goes on through the wider outlet of the net. As Brewski has said in his blog, we need to unlearn - remove what we have been told is true and explore to find our own truths. When we were about 13 if we had to write an essay we would probably get quotes exhaustively from one or two books. Would you do the same writing as an adult? If you did you'd probably not do very well. Put the feelers out - digest it all, evaluate it all. Hell, I may still disagree with your opinion at the end of it all, but at least it is yours and not that of Rupert Murdoch and his ilk.....

The fucker beat me at poker too.....

Oh, and incidentally... the poker hand above was, unfortunately, not mine. Ye gads, no! (sob)

Cheers m'dears!

Sex and Sinless City

Okay, so I was reading the local propoganda broadsheet this morning when I came across an article on a sex-festival. "What the fuck?" I said out loud, to the obvious amusement of the schoolkids on the seat behind me on the bus (and to the glare of the old git opposite). Okay, so this city isn't really 'Sinless' - there is an entire shopping centre which becomes it's own red light district at night, for Christ's sake! - it just often feels like it's supposed to be. But for there to be a festival all about making beasts with two backs here, and during daylight hours... that, my friends, is not usual!

Of course, as I read further into the article the Sinless City I have come to know started to show. Unlike counterparts in other parts of the world this is not to be all about dildo's and sado-masochist toys (one display has been banned because the dildo's were "dangerously oversized" and "could cause injury to users"), but will also house stands for roughly 200 medical and lifestyle organisations (in most cases here 'lifestyle' means 'religious'). Okay, that is all good and I applaud the sensible and responsible nature of the organisers but the fact that there are only 12 booths displaying and selling the arguably more 'fun' aspects of sex kind of begs the question, are they really going to attract the 60,000 people they need to break even? Add to that the age limit being imposed: under 21 year olds can attend but only for the part where they talk about sex and social responsibility. Seems weird when they have to do National Service in their late teens and get trained to kill people. Hey, we trust you to use a gun but not your cocks..... But this was not what really got my goatee.........

The fact that this exhibition has anything to do with sex has already got folks wetting their pants in indignation. A spokesman for the police was quoted in the article saying that it "must not promote objectionable behaviours or lifestyles, such as sado-masochism, bestiality, homosexuality, paedophilia, and promiscuity". What an absolute fucking cunt. Look, I absolutley agree with the comment about paedophilia, and on bestaility - neither of which are usually about sex, more about power and the child / animal usually has fucking little option in the matter. They are bang out of order, 100%, but sado-masochism? Not my bag, but some people are into it and consent to it willingly. Promiscuity? If we're all fucking everyone else then who gives a shit, as long as we do it responsibly (and there are 200 organisations willing to help with that at the exhibition!!). And homosexuality? Well, that one really fucks me right off!

I am not gay, never have been, but have plenty of friends who are and the ones that are my age in particular usually have the most loving stable relationships out of anyone I know. An objectionable lifestyle? I'll concede that the police spokesman is entitled to his own opinion but I bet if I spent a few days with him I'd find a few things about his lifestyle that I also find objectionable. And to lump it in with paedophilia is complete fucking lunacy, ill-informed and frankly bigotted. It's attitudes like his that turned me right off religion as a teen. So thank you, Mister Police Spokesman.........


........I bet you are just sexually frustrated and could use a damn good buggering!

Oh, and incidentally, the toy in the picture is not mine. Ye gads, no!

Cheers m'dears!

Everything has to begin somewhere...

Actually, that's probably utter bollocks. But the point I'm labouring over is that this blog has to start somewhere. Which is perhaps proving a little more difficult than anticipated. Lucky for me that no fucker is likely to turn up to read this first post, if anyone bothers with any of my posts at all. anyhow, enough procrastination....

I am one of those annoying bastards who thinks too much and as a result talks immense amounts of crap, often (but not exclusively) when my good pal alcohol is exerting her influence over me. I have been known to rant about anything and everything, vehemently spew vitriol in the direction of any bastards whom I disagree with, and generally act like an obstinate old wanker who is absolutely certain that he is always right. And those are just my best qualities.... Hence my decision to try and bring some cohesion to the mess that is myself by clearly laying down these rantings in a blog. Except now that I am here (and Lady Booze is sadly not) I am all of a sudden at a loss for what to write.

So let me begin just by moaning about feet... just for a second. I hate the fuckers. I understand their purpose and appreciate them doing their job, but that doesn't change the fact that they are truly the most ugly part of the human body. Even the penis (an unattractive appendage if ever there was one) has to take a backseat to feet. And yet living in Sinless City where the climate is consistently pleasant I am constantly surrounded by people in fucking sandals! The strappy heeled shoes the girls wear are bad enough, even if they are adorning nicely pedicured feet, but the sandals? And then the mother of all horrors, the bastard flip-flops! (Thongs, if you're American [apologies - it's Aussies who call them thongs!]). Because this is a city and not a nice white sanded beach (where I can just about cope with it all) those toes, pedicured or not, become blackened by the dirt and calloused by the hard pound on concrete and look like utter shite. It genuinely makes me feel like vomming, most particularly when people are slipping their shoes on and off in cafes and bars............

And there you go. To think I was worrying that I didn't know what to write for my debut. If there is perchance anyone who bothered reading about my perverted foot anti-fetish please do leave a comment. I mean, you've taken 5 minutes from your oh-so-hectic life to read this shit so you obviously have nothing better to do.....

And incidentally, that picture is not me. Ye gads, no!

Cheers m'dears!