Random Drivel from your Average Tosser

...with your host, Binty McShae - whether you like it or not!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Binty's Ulitimate Music Tosser Quiz

Over the last couple of days I have enjoyed racking my brains over at the Ill Man and Clairwil blogs where quotation and lyric quizzes have sprung up. Never being one to let a good bandwagon pass me by (and being generally too fucking lazy to come up with anything original) I am proud to present Binty's Ultimate Music Tosser Quiz!

Below are 30 quotes from different songs - the first 10 are all opening lines, the second 10 are closing lines, and the final 10 are plucked from somewhere in the middle of a song... this should make things progressively harder!

Post your guesses (song title and artist) in the comments, first to get each one will be credited accordingly - and the person with the most correct answers will be bestowed with the magnificent title "Binty's Ultimate Music Tosser 2006" - or BUM Tosser '06 for short.

Finally - and this should not need saying, but I will anyway - we all know how to use search engines. If you want to do so to satisfy your own curiosity, fine, but if you are 'googling' simply to look knowledgeable or to win a frankly meaningless quiz then you are nothing but a sad, shallow cunt!

Let battle commence...

Round 1 - Opening lines

1) Once I had a love and it was a gas...
(Heart of Glass by Blondie - solved by Flying Rodent / Kim Ayres)

2) Oh, she dressed in the dark and she whispered 'Amen'...
(Galway to Graceland by Richard Thompson - solved by Monstee / Ion)

3) Men reading fashion magazines; Oh what a world it seems we live in...
(Oh What a World by Rufus Wainwright - solved by Monstee / Gabs)

4) Paint my face in your magazines; Make it look whiter than it seems...
(Powerless (Say What You Want) by Nelly Furtado - solved by FMC)

5) People on the street now; Faces long and grim...
(How Come by Ray Lamontagne - remained unsolved)

6) I see the clouds that move across the sky; I see the wind that moves the clouds away...
(Don't Worry About The Government by Talking Heads - solved by Thirteenth Monkey)

7) Who gave you permission to rearrange me?
(Certainly by Erykah Badu - remained unsolved)

8) Rioja, rioja; Reverend Al Green; Deep blue morocco; The water on stone...
(Pearl's Girl by Underworld - solved by Flying Rodent / Rat)

9) We were at a party; His ear lobe fell in the deep...
(Rock Lobster by The B-52's - solved by Monstee)

10) We passed upon the stair; We spoke of was and when...
(The Man Who Sold the World by David Bowie - solved by Flying Rodent / Rat)

Round 2 - Closing Lines

11) ...My mind... My mind... 'Til I find somebody else.
(Blowers Daughter by Damien Rice - solved by Gabs)

12) ...and I'll stand over your grave 'til I'm sure that you're dead.
(Master's of War by Bob Dylan - solved by Clairwil)

13) ...You can't go home, the night is young; I'm blacking out but it's been fun.
(The Scene Is Dead by We Are Scientists - solved by Gabs)

14) ...Take it slow, oh-oh; This time we'll take it slow.
(Ordinary People by John Legend - remained unsolved)

15) ...Who's responsible? You fucking are! Who's responsible?
(Of Walking Abortion by The Manic Street Preachers - solved by Ill Man)

16) ...And we can't turn back; 'Cause it's too late, too late, too late, too late, too late.
(I Looked at You by The Doors - solved by Gabs / FMC's paramour)

17) ...Goin' out tonight, goin' out tonight; Baby, you and I, goin' out tonight.
(Living for the Weekend by Hard-Fi - remained unsolved)

18) ...Same old game, same old thing; Always rappin' 'bout the same old thing.
(Funkier than a Mosquito's Tweeter by Nina Simone - solved by FMC and her sis!)

19) ...Creation baby has failed again; Creation baby has failed again.
(This Wicked Tongue by P J Harvey - solved by Clairwil)

20) ...Wherever men are fightin' for their rights; That's where I'm gonna be, Ma; That's where I'm a gonna be.
(Tom Joad by Woody Guthrie - solved by Annie's fiance)

Round 3 - Randomly plucked lines

21) ...Butterflies and zebras; And moonbeams and fairy tales...
(Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix - solved by Ion)

22) ...You work in a shirt with your name tag on it; Drifting apart like a plate tectonic...
(Oh My God by The Kaiser Chiefs - solved by Flying Rodent)

23) ...Water is my eye; Most faithful mirror...
(Teardrop by Massive Attack - solved by Tubthumper)

24) ...I wanna speak louder than Ritalin; For all the children who think that they've got a disease...
(Oxygen by Willie Mason - solved by FMC / Gabs)

25) ...Kiss me, please kiss me; Kiss me out of desire, baby, not consolation...
(Last Goodbye by Jeff Buckley - solved by FMC)

26) ...I know you like to think your shit don't stink; But lean a little bit closer...
(Roses by Outkast - solved by FMC)

27) ...Love forever, love is free; Let's turn forever, you and me...
(Feelgood Inc. by Gorillaz- solved by Flying Rodent / FMC)

28) ...You're a slut, you're a bitch, you're a whore...
(Blue Flashing Light by Travis - remained unsolved)

29) ...Majordomo Billy Bojangles; Sit down and have a drink with me...
(Alabama Getaway by The Grateful Dead - solved by Monstee)

30) ...Or that everybody's on the stage; And it seems like you're the only person sitting in the audience...
(Skating Away by Jethro Tull - solved by Annie)

[Final Scores: 1st place - FMC (et al) with 11 points ; 2nd place - Gabs on 7 ; Joint 3rd place - Flying rodent and Monstee, both on 6... well done to you all! Honourable mentions for bothering to take part go to: Clairwil and Annie (and fiance), both on 4 points; Ion with 3 ; Ill Man, Rat, Tubthumper and Thirteenth Monkey, all on 2 ; and last but by no means least, Kim Ayres with 1 - the remaining 10 points went unclaimed.]

Cheers m'dears!

Labels: ,

Friday, September 22, 2006

No means no.

Let me tell you a little story, one that is completely true, no matter how much you may scoff or sneer at it. It is the tale of a virginal student and an English teacher who found themselves in an illicit relationship, one which affected the student for many years...

With only two months to go before turning 19 this student was probably a little unusual in still being a virgin, although having always been a bit nerdy and mostly friendless it was probably not THAT much of a surprise. But despite being remembered (and still dismissed) by peers as the spotty swotty one this student's looks had improved a little with maturity and this particular English teacher noticed. The fact that the student was good at acting and the teacher was directing the school play brought them into closer contact with each other and eventually it became apparent that the student had a crush on the teacher...

At the cast party after the play, out at the teacher's house in the middle of the countryside, the situation developed and they kissed and 'fooled around' for a bit. And the teacher seemed to respect the fact that the student didn't want sex, wasn't ready for it... and so began the affair.

After a fortnight or so of clandestine meetings and journeys out to the lonely house (where the student would sometimes spend the night) the teacher's attitude changed slightly. The agenda became sex, although the issue was never forced... the teacher was just a little too persistent. Still the student resisted, naively believing that this was love and it could all wait... believing that the teacher had respect and would be patient for sex. Until one night the student awoke to find the teacher was just taking it anyway.

The student didn't know what to say or do, so just froze and allowed the teacher to finish. It was all so confusing... after all, this was love... wasn't it? And because the student still believed this the relationship continued for a few more days until it just got too much and the student jumped on a train and travelled to stay with family far away... the teacher quietly moved to another school and was subsequently sacked for trying to seduce 2 more students there whilst sharing a spliff with them.

13 years later and the student is now almost 32. Attitudes toward sex and male-female relationships have been coloured by this first experience, the professional diagnosis being 'a fear of sexual intimacy' which has played a large part in consigning a two-year marriage to the bin. It has also affected friendships, relationships with family, and generated a great deal of self-loathing that is only just now being dealt with through counselling sessions.

At face value it's a tragic case of a person abusing a position of trust and authority and raping an innocent - lock the bastard up! But then there's a twist in the tale, a piece of information that you might refuse to believe or accept. The student was male, the teacher female.


"A man cannot be raped by a woman!"

In general, I might agree. For the most part rape is performed by a physically stronger aggressor (or group), and for the most part men are still physically stronger than women. But then, not all women fight back, not all rapists need to be physically stronger - especially if they know the victim. A woman may simply lie there, and hope her attacker is quick so she can get away... or maybe, like the case above, the victim doesn't quite understand that what is happening to her is wrong, maybe because she deludes herself that she 'loves' this beast.

As for the physical - if a woman is enjoying a small degree of intimacy with a man she may become turned on. Being turned on does not neccesarily mean she wants sex. Just because her sexual organs have responded in the way they are supposed to and lubricated themselves does not mean that in her heart or her head she is ready... and if she vocalises that and says no? Well, no means no.

Likewise, even if a man is physically turned on and has an erection it does not neccesarily indicate that he agrees to participate in intercourse. If he vocalises that and says no - as the student above did MANY times? Three words. No means no.

No one is claiming that female-on-male rape is as widespread a cancer as the other way around. There are thousands of cases of men raping women every year, yet this is the only example I know of the reverse happening (other than cases involving much younger males which would be considered child abuse anyway). But I still find it absurd that because it is quite the exception it can be dismissed so easily (and it has been, affecting the guy even more). It doesn't matter who you are, what sex you are - no means no. And that counts for male-on-female, female-on-male, male-on-male or female-on-female.

This post has been inspired by FMC's recent post on the rapper DMX and the ensuing comments. Whilst I only know a little about DMX and personally find his story of being 'raped' by a woman a little suspect I did think it was worthwhile exploring a subject I know a little about...

Labels: , , ,

Thursday, September 14, 2006


Superman - what a tight cunt. Seriously, I was discussing this with a female friend the other day (who was gushing over that new fella that played him recently - apparently he's gay though) and she mentioned about the romantic nature of literally being swept off your feet, a remark which prompted me to cough, splutter and dribble my beer. (Oh, fucking hell! I really hate waste!)
Sure, it must seem like an incredible thing to be able to whisk a young lady off on a whim, but that kind of ability surely pales into insignificance when you realise the hard work your average tosser goes through just to take a beloved for a weekend in Bognor. I mean, say your lady friend wants to visit the romantic city of Paris... what do you do? Dip into the savings you have been putting aside for emergencies? Put in some overtime and save up? Rob a bank? Just so you can fly in the cramped confines of Cheapo-Jet Economy class and stay at a dodgy bed and breakfast in the wrong end of the city? Not old Supes! He doesn't need to put his hand in his pocket (pretty good thing really... my wallet can be uncomfortable in loose fitting jeans - where the fuck would Kal-El stick his?). He just says "hop on me feet, luv" and then it's up, up and away!
"What's that, Lois? Paris? Yeah, why not. And how about we pop off to Rome for a late supper, then maybe catch a show in Vegas before watching the sun come up over the Taj Mahal?" And how much does this dream date cost him? The best part of fuck all, I'd warrant! Even when he's in Paris do you reckon he joins the back of the queue to pay his however many Euro's to go up the Eiffel tower? Like fuck!
And what about in the 3rd Christopher Reeve film... right at the end the bastard picks up a lump of coal and squeezes it into a diamond for one of his floozies (can't remember whether it's for Lois Lane or Lana Lang - and, by the way, what the fuck is it with all those L's? There's alliteration and then there's plain fucking stupid!). A fucking diamond. A fucking diamond the size of a fucking golf ball, no less. I could work 60 hour weeks for the rest of my life and never, NEVER, afford something like that! Yeah, thank you, you twat. Thanks for upping the ante so far out of the reach of the rest of mankind!
So, ask yourself girls... despite the 'buff' look, and even if you get off on the idea of a guy who wears tights (US - pantyhose) under his suit, would you really want to date a guy who could so easily give you anything that it really is of very little importance to him? A guy who, despite the potentially extravagent gifts, is essentially tighter than a duck's arse?
....yes, I guess you would!
Cheers m'dears!

Labels: ,

Sunday, September 03, 2006

That ol' Red Carpet again...

I've been so up to my ears in work and moving house the last couple of weeks that I haven't really read any other blogs, let alone update on this one. So I was pleasantly surprised whilst trawling through the back pages of the Ill Man site to discover that I have been nominated for an award - for 'Young Blogger of the Year'. Cheers, IM, the sentiment is very much appreciated. I am not doing very well, however, currently joint last with 3 votes. Unsurprising perhaps as my recent output has been sporadic and varying in quality, but the fact that there are those of you out there that contiue to check out this site - and I note I received two new links from other sites in the last fortnight as well - makes it all worthwhile.

Ill Man - I still haven't linked to you yet because I am a bone idle bastard, but I promise... it's coming! Anyone who wants to vote for me, it's here.

Speaking of awards, another kind-of-nice surprise this week was receiving an award at the school I work at. Well, two in fact. This week we had "Teacher's Day", the one day of the year where even the shittiest kids are really nice and respectful to you, even to the point of buying you presents and stuff. The 'informal' award I received was a shock in itself... the kids voted me 'Trendiest Male Teacher'. Now, believe me when I say that one thing I am not is trendy. But I suppose that since I am the only teacher who on dress-down Friday's doesn't tuck his t-shirt into his high-waisted trousers I was possibly the only available option. On a more formal note, at the compulsory (*groan*) evening meal for staff I was presented with an award for outstanding achievement at my school, which was nice, but... well, call me a cynic but I think my carefully planted rumours about leaving for another establishment may have found their target. Screw the award, I was after some better equipment and maybe even a small pay rise!

In truth that's probably quite an unfair assesment of my bosses, but regardless of how or why I 'won' my award I find that I am uncomfortable with it as I feel that I was only doing my job. The reasons stipulated on the award are the artistic events I have co-ordinated over the last 8 months, but then again they were the very things that I was employed to do. Okay, so they naturally often involve long hours and unpaid overtime, but to balance that out I also have the luxury of very short days with little homework to mark at other times of the year. There are others in my school who teach hugely complicated academic subjects and still dedicate themselves to extra-curricular activities as well, some of whom helped me out a great deal (and I couldn't have put on these events without them). It is they who deserve such recognition.

But then again, this is always a problem... we celebrate those that do flashy things, not those who sacrifice their own lives for others. Was mine really an award for Outstanding Achievement, or just for managing to Achieve Standing Out? And what about on a global scale...? The Oscars and their ilk? Fuck 'em! Where are the awards for the nurses, lifeguards, firemen... They are the people who truly deserve the standing ovations. Because what is more of an outstanding achievement than putting your own life on hold, or even at risk, to save a complete stranger?

Cheers m'dears!

Labels: , ,