Random Drivel from your Average Tosser

...with your host, Binty McShae - whether you like it or not!

Thursday, September 14, 2006


Superman - what a tight cunt. Seriously, I was discussing this with a female friend the other day (who was gushing over that new fella that played him recently - apparently he's gay though) and she mentioned about the romantic nature of literally being swept off your feet, a remark which prompted me to cough, splutter and dribble my beer. (Oh, fucking hell! I really hate waste!)
Sure, it must seem like an incredible thing to be able to whisk a young lady off on a whim, but that kind of ability surely pales into insignificance when you realise the hard work your average tosser goes through just to take a beloved for a weekend in Bognor. I mean, say your lady friend wants to visit the romantic city of Paris... what do you do? Dip into the savings you have been putting aside for emergencies? Put in some overtime and save up? Rob a bank? Just so you can fly in the cramped confines of Cheapo-Jet Economy class and stay at a dodgy bed and breakfast in the wrong end of the city? Not old Supes! He doesn't need to put his hand in his pocket (pretty good thing really... my wallet can be uncomfortable in loose fitting jeans - where the fuck would Kal-El stick his?). He just says "hop on me feet, luv" and then it's up, up and away!
"What's that, Lois? Paris? Yeah, why not. And how about we pop off to Rome for a late supper, then maybe catch a show in Vegas before watching the sun come up over the Taj Mahal?" And how much does this dream date cost him? The best part of fuck all, I'd warrant! Even when he's in Paris do you reckon he joins the back of the queue to pay his however many Euro's to go up the Eiffel tower? Like fuck!
And what about in the 3rd Christopher Reeve film... right at the end the bastard picks up a lump of coal and squeezes it into a diamond for one of his floozies (can't remember whether it's for Lois Lane or Lana Lang - and, by the way, what the fuck is it with all those L's? There's alliteration and then there's plain fucking stupid!). A fucking diamond. A fucking diamond the size of a fucking golf ball, no less. I could work 60 hour weeks for the rest of my life and never, NEVER, afford something like that! Yeah, thank you, you twat. Thanks for upping the ante so far out of the reach of the rest of mankind!
So, ask yourself girls... despite the 'buff' look, and even if you get off on the idea of a guy who wears tights (US - pantyhose) under his suit, would you really want to date a guy who could so easily give you anything that it really is of very little importance to him? A guy who, despite the potentially extravagent gifts, is essentially tighter than a duck's arse?
....yes, I guess you would!
Cheers m'dears!

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At Thursday, September 14, 2006 9:41:00 am, Blogger Binty McShae said...

What the fuck is up with blogspot at the moment? I can't upload any pics, and it's pissing me off!

At Friday, September 15, 2006 12:42:00 am, Blogger Foot Eater said...

Yes, I was going to ask where the photo of Superman in tight underpants was.

At Friday, September 15, 2006 12:52:00 am, Blogger Andraste said...

Nah, I wouldn't date Superman. The costume is ghey, and all the do-gooder shite is duller than dull.

Now, that crazy arch-nemesis of his, Lex Luthor? Crazy, baldy bastard. But I bet a ton of fun. And yeah, if he happens to look like Gene Hackman, all the better.

At Friday, September 15, 2006 3:24:00 am, Blogger Sarah said...

superman? no.

but i do like a man in tights.

At Friday, September 15, 2006 6:32:00 am, Blogger Evil Genius said...

Men in tights. Yum. And men in speedos too.


At Friday, September 15, 2006 7:28:00 am, Anonymous the ephemerist said...

Me likes your prose style. I got here by way of a comment you made to my friend JB Writer Girl. Somehow your writing reminds me of the very humorous Pete McCarthy, whose McCarthy's Bar I read because we're going to Ireland in three weeks and then for feck's sake i find he's gone, died in 2004! (And Dave Armitage's style, too; a mate (friend?) came back from Wolverhampton and he had to help me out w/ the Brit slang in born to be Mild. Speaking of Scotland (I think I saw you're one of Scotland's top 100 sites), my daughter was just there; loved it; performed at the festival in Edinburgh in August.

At Friday, September 15, 2006 11:43:00 pm, Blogger Kieran said...

You know a duck's arse really is quite flexible.

Anyway, no woman could ever trust a man with x-ray vision.

At Saturday, September 16, 2006 3:46:00 am, Blogger kari said...

I wouldn't want a guy in tights.

At Monday, September 18, 2006 3:45:00 pm, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I loved Pete McCarthy's books McCarthy's Bar and Road to McCarthy. In my lighter posts it's his style which has probably had the most influence.

At Monday, September 18, 2006 4:57:00 pm, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Footsie - is that a secret fetish coming out there?

Andraste - how about the 'evil' Supes in Reeve film III?

Sarah - surprise, surprise!

Evil G - with a name like that surely you'd also prefer a big baddie rather than a dull boy scout?

Eph (hope you don't mind me calling you that but you do have a long name. Not as long as this sentence I have just written to explain my abbreviation, I grant you, but still...) - you are most welcome here! I haven't read any McCarthy, though I have heard good stuff about the fella so I'll take your comment as a compliment, thanks! Scotland is a braw aul' place... prefer Glasgow to Edinburgh myself, but thats my west coast bias sneaking out. As for the top 100 Scots sites, they can fuck right off... I will explain why in a later post.

Kieran - flexible? I just don't want to know.......

Kari - what WOULD you want him in...?

Kim - well, there's good reason for me to check him out then!

At Monday, September 18, 2006 5:08:00 pm, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

The funny thing is, and you'll laugh when you hear it, is that no matter what pressure you subjected coal to it would NEVER turn into a diamond, and certainly not a gem quality one.
I told you you'd laugh.
Luagh? I nearly shat.

At Monday, September 18, 2006 8:56:00 pm, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Could he have done it with pencil lead Doc?

At Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:45:00 am, Blogger SafeTinspector said...

Speaking as a woman, I would very much enjoy making time and falling deeply in love with Superman. Sure, nothing he can give me would mean shit to him. But, c'mon! Just think of the crystal shoes, coal diamonds (mysteriously and meticulously cut), recently vacated evil lairs, moonlight flights through frigid thin air miles above my hometown.....oh, I can go on forever!

At Wednesday, September 20, 2006 12:42:00 pm, Blogger Monstee said...

You all seem to be forgetting most important thing as why Superman am LAST person you want as boyfriend. You could never have sex with him. Oh, you could.... ONCE. But remember, Superman have super sperm. They no die. They all seek out eggs and would end up fertilizing ALL of them fuckers! Good news, no more menstruation. Bad news, you be pregnant for the rest of you life! And you no can get rid of them. They super fetuses. But what about gay sex? You really want confused, possibly angry, super sperm loose in you system? They just keep swimming round, punching holes in everything that get in they way. Why, me think you midsection be turned to jelly in fortnight. Even if super sperm am smart enough NOT to kill you, you know they gonna set up house in you body and start fighting crime! Good news, you never sick again. Bad news, every blood test show tiny little sperm cells with capes swimming around keeping you blood cells in line. How embarrassing.

At Wednesday, September 20, 2006 1:35:00 pm, Anonymous sarah said...

mcshae: woo woo.. ;o)

At Wednesday, September 20, 2006 2:25:00 pm, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Kim don't chuck you allotropes around here mate. In graphite the carbon is arranged in hexagonal plates, diamond in a tetrahedral matrix. To move from one to the other requires pressure a high constant temperature a lack of oxygen and time. Old red Y fronts would have to stand there with his hand in a hot furnace for the best part of a week. The diamond would be yellow. Coal contains too much of other stuff, not least 20% ash. I told you you'd laugh. There's a Russian company making them in America.

Monstee, haven't you heard of green kryptonite rubbers?

At Thursday, September 21, 2006 6:34:00 am, Blogger SafeTinspector said...

Doc M, I'm sure the Kryptonite might make Supes a bit....crestfallen.

At Thursday, September 21, 2006 8:49:00 am, Blogger Sarah said...

who the hell let the engineer out??


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