A Little Light Relief (and other not-so-tall tales)...
In Jamaica the argument over distribution of condoms in male prisons (fought between the pro-"protecting against STDs" group and the anti-"encouraging sexual activity" lobby) has finally been settled with the Government opting to allow inmates to kill each other off slowly and painfully by spreading AIDS. A poor-taste humourist might make a crack about lethal injection, but not I...In India, however, they may want to consider banning lightbulbs rather than condoms as one inmate recently had to have one removed from his arse. Intact. Claiming to not know how it got up there (what the fuck?!) Fateh Mohammad had gone to the prison hospital with a pain in his lower abdomen. Upon its discovery (see x-ray, above) a delicate operation ensued to remove it without breaking the glass... perhaps unsurprisingly Mohammads doctor states that he has never encountered anything like this before...
In other news I am astounded to learn that research has unearthed the cause of Japans falling birth rate. Quite simply, people are not having sex. Yep, that'd do it. Various reasons are to blame (you know, the usual shit like long work hours), although maybe people are just finding each others footwear a turn-off... this is the country from which those evil flip-flops developed, after all. I have always said, right from my very first post, that those things should be destroyed - and now evidence is on my side that even if they don't play a part in Japans demographics they still fuck up your ankles (and your career).
...and I'm not even going to start about the Estonians. Bunch of fucking weirdos!
Cheers m'dears!
Labels: Pain, Sex / Violence, Strange news, Weird shit
posted by Binty McShae @ 12:28 pm
7 Comments:
i like it here..
when i read your posts it's as if i'm receiving all the weird news i need in a very straight-forward yet satirical way.
Light bulbs and anus go together like carry-on luggage and sump pumps.
I think the lethal injection joke would've been fine.
"Slowest form of lethal injection yet devised by the criminal justice system"
Light bulbs up the arse am so common in some US cities (San Francisco, New York, Key West, Chicago) that this one doctor design and build new instrument SPECIFICALLY for removing them. He tells all him clients with this problem "Look, if you have to do this, tie a string on it next time."
Me not know about lethal injections... but changing light bulbs can be big pain in ass!
The next time my neighbour tells me he's planting bulbs I'll look at him in a whole new light.
Say what you like about the Estonians, but you have to admit their girls are the foxiest in Europe.
Can't say I noticed the same about their light bulbs however.
Credit, though, to Mohammad. I would pay money to see him keep a straight face whilst saying
'A lightbulb you say? Goodness, I have simply no notion of how that could have got there.'
Perhaps a career in politics in the offing?
There just isn't enough anal light bulbs in politics these days.
Sarah - from past conversations and posts of yours I'd have thought you liked coming anywhere... (taxi for Mr McShae...)
SafeT - thanks for your confidence in my "lethal injection" quip. No-one has crucified me for it yet, so either it's not that bad or hardly anyone reads my blog.
Monstee - I tried looking up this so-called "doctor" on the 'net, but no luck. How do you have knowledge of such a man? has he been of service to you in the past?
Footsie - if you're not sure what he means by that give him a kick up the jacksie next time you see him. If you hear a faint tinkle followed by a blood-curdling scream - well, there's your answer!
Peter - I do not have to admit to anything, sir! Besides, having never met an Estonian (a female one, at any rate) I wouldn't know. If, however, you have any good pictures feel free to send them to me in order for me to judge their *ahem* merits.
SafeT - there's plenty of arseholes, they just aren't that bright....
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