I'm 'it' apparently....

Little by little it builds, that thing known as 'community'. People drawn from miles around with common interests, desires, needs. Except now we don't need minor details like 'roads' to bring us all together. We don't need some poxy junction with a coaching house to congregate and build dwellings around. No, all we need is to be sad enough to waste hours on end on the fucking internet.

Strange how, just like in real communities, dependency on one-another seems to develop. At stage one, of course, it is obvious - the initial 'I must post comments on everyone elses boards so they'll visit mine' phase, demostrating a neediness and a desire to be if not loved then at least recognised. And the more recognised the better. Those who fail to attract respect or even just a pat on the back often turn themselves into the arsehole type who will act the cunt because people complaining about them is better than people ignoring them.

Now, however, in the little blog-community I am honoured to feel a part of, co-dependency is coming to the fore even more. Not content to pass verdict on each other's sites little internal projects have been thrown up - whether the work of one man weaving the rest of us into an intricate story (see Doc Maroon's recent posts) or the collaborative work of many creating a little world of our own (Blunt Cogs). But admidst all that greatness there is always one rotten apple, one beastly git who will pull everyone else down to the gutter. And that man has shown his true colours during my week away - step forward El Barbudo - you utter cunt!

"But why?" I hear you ask. Because he has managed to infect almost the entire of our fledgling ether-nation with this bloody mother-fucking meme tag thing (hence the weakly-linked picture). "What's that?" I hear you ask. It's a stupid chain-letter type thing where you have to complete meaningless lists and then pass it on to a specific number of people. In El B's case I was one of the hapless victims. And apparently Philip the Curmudgen got me too. "So, are you going to be brainwashed by the cult as well?" I hear you ask. Stop asking so many fucking questions, you bastards, I've got enough with the tag as it is!

But in answer I have to say that I obviously do not possess the willpower and sheer good taste of Fatmammycat, a true hero in my eyes. I have, indeed, succumb....... And so, after much ado (but without any further) here are my submissive submissions:

Seven Movies I Like -

Sideways
Withnail and I
Whisky Galore!
Moonshine
Beer
The Home-Brewers Guide (Limited DVD Edition)
Jilly Gouldens Wine Tour of France (taped off the telly)

Seven Books I Like -

Scotch Whisky: A Liquid History
Alcohol
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Wine
Guinness 1886-1939: From Incorporation to the Second World War
Complete Home Bartender's Guide: 780 Recipes for the Perfect Drink
Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined
Oor Wullie annual, 1979

Seven Things I Say -

"The usual, bar-keep chappy!"
"Same again, please"
"I do believe it's your round"
"And a whisky chaser"
"Make it a treble"
"How fucking much!? Jeez, I remember the day when you could get a pint for under a quid!"
"No, offizzer. I haven't dropped a drunk. Well, maybe juz a wee wan tae keep uzz warm, ken?"

Seven Things That Attract Me To The City -

A wider selection of drinking establishments.
And that's it really. I fucking hate cities, in general. Bloody expensive bars full of poncey twats drinking poncey twat alcopop drinks. Fuck 'em, I say, and stick to your country local with a lock in until Tuesday next week.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die -

Discover the secret of immortality
Have a last pint. Or three...
Write one more meaningless blog.
Have a last wee dram. Or twenty...
Come home with change in my pocket... just once.
Drink that scary brown spirit from Eastern Europe that's been lurking at the back of my cupboard for too fucking long.
Go for one final piss....

Seven Things I Can't Do -

Get pregnant.
My own graphics on Blunt Cogs.
Shit whilst standing upright (not deliberately, anyway).
Walk home in the most direct route of an evening.
Climb ladders in my kilt. (Actually, I could, if it wasn't for the restraining order)
A seventh thing for this section.

Seven People To Tag -

I started this list with 'Anonymous posters' and 'the Cheeky Girls', but then I realised it didn't mean 'tag' as in the morgue sense of the word. Shame. Anyway, since everyone I link with has been pretty much taken I am going to tag.....

Juvenile Dementia
MacBeane
Cinnamon Doughnut

ummmm, that's it really. Oh, no - hang on! There's one other fella that's missed out on all the fun while he's been away..... And I am certain that by tagging him I am likely to invoke all manner of bile and vitriol!

Brewski, consider yourself tagged!

That's your lot. Now fuck off, you bunch of lame-o twats!

Cheers m'dears!