Random Drivel from your Average Tosser

...with your host, Binty McShae - whether you like it or not!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I'm 'it' apparently....

Little by little it builds, that thing known as 'community'. People drawn from miles around with common interests, desires, needs. Except now we don't need minor details like 'roads' to bring us all together. We don't need some poxy junction with a coaching house to congregate and build dwellings around. No, all we need is to be sad enough to waste hours on end on the fucking internet.

Strange how, just like in real communities, dependency on one-another seems to develop. At stage one, of course, it is obvious - the initial 'I must post comments on everyone elses boards so they'll visit mine' phase, demostrating a neediness and a desire to be if not loved then at least recognised. And the more recognised the better. Those who fail to attract respect or even just a pat on the back often turn themselves into the arsehole type who will act the cunt because people complaining about them is better than people ignoring them.

Now, however, in the little blog-community I am honoured to feel a part of, co-dependency is coming to the fore even more. Not content to pass verdict on each other's sites little internal projects have been thrown up - whether the work of one man weaving the rest of us into an intricate story (see Doc Maroon's recent posts) or the collaborative work of many creating a little world of our own (Blunt Cogs). But admidst all that greatness there is always one rotten apple, one beastly git who will pull everyone else down to the gutter. And that man has shown his true colours during my week away - step forward El Barbudo - you utter cunt!

"But why?" I hear you ask. Because he has managed to infect almost the entire of our fledgling ether-nation with this bloody mother-fucking meme tag thing (hence the weakly-linked picture). "What's that?" I hear you ask. It's a stupid chain-letter type thing where you have to complete meaningless lists and then pass it on to a specific number of people. In El B's case I was one of the hapless victims. And apparently Philip the Curmudgen got me too. "So, are you going to be brainwashed by the cult as well?" I hear you ask. Stop asking so many fucking questions, you bastards, I've got enough with the tag as it is!

But in answer I have to say that I obviously do not possess the willpower and sheer good taste of Fatmammycat, a true hero in my eyes. I have, indeed, succumb....... And so, after much ado (but without any further) here are my submissive submissions:

Seven Movies I Like -

Sideways
Withnail and I
Whisky Galore!
Moonshine
Beer
The Home-Brewers Guide (Limited DVD Edition)
Jilly Gouldens Wine Tour of France (taped off the telly)

Seven Books I Like -

Scotch Whisky: A Liquid History
Alcohol
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Wine
Guinness 1886-1939: From Incorporation to the Second World War
Complete Home Bartender's Guide: 780 Recipes for the Perfect Drink
Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined
Oor Wullie annual, 1979

Seven Things I Say -

"The usual, bar-keep chappy!"
"Same again, please"
"I do believe it's your round"
"And a whisky chaser"
"Make it a treble"
"How fucking much!? Jeez, I remember the day when you could get a pint for under a quid!"
"No, offizzer. I haven't dropped a drunk. Well, maybe juz a wee wan tae keep uzz warm, ken?"

Seven Things That Attract Me To The City -

A wider selection of drinking establishments.
And that's it really. I fucking hate cities, in general. Bloody expensive bars full of poncey twats drinking poncey twat alcopop drinks. Fuck 'em, I say, and stick to your country local with a lock in until Tuesday next week.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die -

Discover the secret of immortality
Have a last pint. Or three...
Write one more meaningless blog.
Have a last wee dram. Or twenty...
Come home with change in my pocket... just once.
Drink that scary brown spirit from Eastern Europe that's been lurking at the back of my cupboard for too fucking long.
Go for one final piss....

Seven Things I Can't Do -

Get pregnant.
My own graphics on Blunt Cogs.
Shit whilst standing upright (not deliberately, anyway).
Walk home in the most direct route of an evening.
Climb ladders in my kilt. (Actually, I could, if it wasn't for the restraining order)
A seventh thing for this section.

Seven People To Tag -

I started this list with 'Anonymous posters' and 'the Cheeky Girls', but then I realised it didn't mean 'tag' as in the morgue sense of the word. Shame. Anyway, since everyone I link with has been pretty much taken I am going to tag.....

Juvenile Dementia
MacBeane
Cinnamon Doughnut

ummmm, that's it really. Oh, no - hang on! There's one other fella that's missed out on all the fun while he's been away..... And I am certain that by tagging him I am likely to invoke all manner of bile and vitriol!

Brewski, consider yourself tagged!

That's your lot. Now fuck off, you bunch of lame-o twats!

Cheers m'dears!

27 Comments:

At Wednesday, February 01, 2006 9:53:00 pm, Blogger The MacBean Gene said...

Wow! Two tags in one week. I'm thrilled, just fuckng thrilled.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 1:01:00 am, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Oor Wullie 79 fucking vintage!

well done.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 1:02:00 am, Blogger Andraste said...

Fuck! I forgot to put Withnail and I on my list of movies. Do you think anyone will notice if I go in and change it?

FUCK!

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:03:00 am, Blogger El Barbudo said...

Before you accuse me of being an utter fucking cunt, you cunt, you should have done your research and seen that it was footeater who tagged me, the cunt.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:21:00 am, Blogger Sarah said...

oh my..
how ofted do you wear a kilt?

(drooling)

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:44:00 am, Blogger Foot Eater said...

Like I held a gun to your head to make you spread the meme, El B. For Christ sakes take responsibility.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:45:00 am, Blogger Foot Eater said...

PS I've been waiting to say that for a long time.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 7:38:00 am, Blogger Binty McShae said...

MacB, didn't realise you'd already been got...

Doc M, it was a toss up between that or The Broons '73...

Andraste, there's so many of these going on that I'm sure you'll get away with it...

El B - apologies. Actually, no - I take that back. It was still you who tagged me, you git!

Sarah, only now and then... it's a bit warm in SE Asia to wear a heavy woolen thing regularly. Besides, it loses it's impact if I wear it all the time!

Footsie - you and El B can take it outside! What's all this shouting? We'll have no shouting here!

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 7:38:00 am, Blogger Binty McShae said...

MacB, didn't realise you'd already been got...

Doc M, it was a toss up between that or The Broons '73...

Andraste, there's so many of these going on that I'm sure you'll get away with it...

El B - apologies. Actually, no - I take that back. It was still you who tagged me, you git!

Sarah, only now and then... it's a bit warm in SE Asia to wear a heavy woolen thing regularly. Besides, it loses it's impact if I wear it all the time!

Footsie - you and El B can take it outside! What's all this shouting? We'll have no shouting here!

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 7:44:00 am, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Whoops...

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 8:40:00 am, Blogger El Barbudo said...

Waddayamean whoops? You're the bloody administrator of this blog so you can remove the 2nd entry and stop looking like a numbskull

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 1:20:00 pm, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I'm too busy for piddly things like that.

Besides, I'm not entirely sure I know how...........

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 1:41:00 pm, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Incidentally, just noticed the links for the books weren't working. If you were even remotely interested they are now.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 4:17:00 pm, Blogger Sarah said...

pretty simple McShae.. you just click on the garbage can next to the comment whilst logged in. then confirm it.

i didn't know you were residing in SE Asia.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 4:19:00 pm, Blogger Sarah said...

and a kilt.. would never lose impact with me.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 4:50:00 pm, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Ah yes the 73 Broons. Dudley D Watkins' finest hour.

On Andraste's profile she says she loves the Broons, but it turned out to be The Bruins, an American sports team of some sort. She just calls them the Broons. She should clear up that ambiguity I think.

My friend once typexed out all the speech bubbles in a Broons book (not the 73) and put in his own coarser dialogue. To this day one of the finest works of comedy.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 5:01:00 pm, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Hhhmmmmm.... that's got me thinking of another artistic 'experiment' for our little circle, Doc!

And Sarah, cheers! Now I know. But I still can't be arsed this time because it would mean not just erasing my second entry but all others pertaining to it, just for the sake of tidiness....

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 5:53:00 pm, Blogger Foot Eater said...

The Broons? What's that? The only Broon I know comes in a bottle.

Binty: good to see there's a fellow League of Gentlemen fan around.

 
At Thursday, February 02, 2006 9:47:00 pm, Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ther are a lot of League of Gentlemen fans about! Whenever I want to make myself sick I just think about missus shopkeeper breastfeeding the pig.

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 12:01:00 am, Blogger michael the tubthumper said...

what about "seven reasons not to do these tag things"

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 12:51:00 am, Blogger Andraste said...

I did change it, Doc. It just says "hockey" now.

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 4:39:00 am, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Why? Why should you change it?

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 11:30:00 am, Blogger Andraste said...

I'll tell you, I looked up this cartoon strip, "The Broons," and it was awful. I don't want my beloved home town hockey team (suck though they do) confused with it.

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 1:47:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me am Anonymous! Me am posting anonymous comment on you board so you no think me am just trying to get you visit mine, demonstrating neediness and desirer to be if not loved then at least recognized. Me am posting comment just to say you am wise funny and have good blog! Me am Anonymous!

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 1:57:00 pm, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Fuck me sideways with a splitered bargepole! A compliment from an anon poster!!!!! That makes a refreshing change.....

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 1:58:00 pm, Blogger Binty McShae said...

And andraste, it's obviously a culture thing. As in we have some, you don't. ;-)

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006 11:41:00 pm, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

It's not that anonymous as Monstee, one of the new Blunt Cogs cartoon strip writing geniuses, always writes like that

 

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